A Letter for Parents navigating all the joy and challenges this holiday season
Before I became a parent, I loved celebrating Christmas. It felt like a time of togetherness. Even as I got older, the magical smell of pine-scented candles, the soft glow of tree lights, and family traditions like baking cookies and watching The Santa Clause and The Grinch energized me and filled my cup.
I remember our first Christmas with our child—long before we knew they were Autistic. Like many first-time parents, we bought everything we knew they loved: Paw Patrol toys, plushies, and more. We waited for them to wake up Christmas morning, eager to see joy spread across their face. We watched them walk toward the tree.
Immediately, they dropped to the floor and cried. They refused to open presents. They melted down completely. My husband and I stood there—confused and shocked. We assumed we had done something wrong. I felt angry, desperate to understand what had happened and why they were so upset.
Looking back, I see clearly what I couldn’t see then: it wasn’t about Christmas. We had disrupted their routine, offered little clarity, and placed huge anticipation on one morning. It overwhelmed them. Realizing that my child might not experience the holidays with the same comfort and nostalgia I did crushed me.
If I’m honest, helping my child enjoy together time and the holidays remains a challenge. Each year, a familiar grief resurfaces. But as they grow more secure in who they are, things ease. They tell us what activities matter to them and how they can support themselves when we need them present (like when family visits). We honor their self-advocacy when they tell us they need a break from people. We navigate awkward questions from family when our child chooses not to participate. And we accept the ways they do want to engage. Sometimes they come downstairs at 10 p.m. ready to share their day. Sometimes they play video games with us for an hour before returning to the quiet of their room. Sometimes they build their gingerbread house with one of us instead of the whole group.
And what does this create? When we release pressure, protest, and expectation, they offer connection in their own way: a spontaneous hug, a signed or texted “I love you,” ten minutes at the table during a meal, fifteen minutes opening gifts.
To some, those moments may seem small. But to us, they feel huge, because we see how hard our child works to show up and stay grounded during a season packed with change and sensory overload.
So this letter is for every parent navigating something similar this holiday season. There is no shame in doing what works for your family so your child can access joy. Joy really does look different for everyone. It’s okay to grieve unmet expectations. And it’s okay to treasure the moments your child shares with you—no matter how brief.
Because those moments count. They truly do.
Happy, Relaxed, and Engaged Holidays to You and Your Family–
Love – a Night Shift Mom
P.S. – This would not be a Night Shift post without resources. The following resources are NOT Applied Behavior Analysis resources but cited research from other journals.
1. Mindfulness-Based Interventions for Parents of Children with IDD – Systematic Review & Meta-Analysis (Yang et al., 2025, J Autism Dev Disord)
What it is: A 2025 systematic review of 15 studies (1,124 parents) looking at mindfulness-based interventions (MBIs) for parents of children with intellectual or developmental disabilities. It found that MBIs reduced parenting stress, anxiety, depression, and overall psychological distress, and moderately improved parent–child relationships. (PubMed)
Holiday takeaways for parents:
- Short daily mindfulness practices (breathing, body scans, brief meditations) can meaningfully lower stress levels.
- Programs that last 8+ weeks and focus on parents alone seemed especially helpful—so starting or continuing an MBI group before or through the holidays may buffer stress during the busiest weeks. (PubMed)
2. Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction for Parents of Children with Developmental Disabilities (Neece et al., 2018, Mindfulness)
What it is: A study showing that an 8-week Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction program significantly decreased parenting stress and improved wellbeing in families of children with developmental disabilities. (PMC)
Holiday takeaways for parents:
- MBSR skills like nonjudgmental awareness, grounding in the breath, and noticing thoughts (“I’m failing this holiday”) as just thoughts are linked with lower overall stress.
- Parents who practiced mindfulness reported better ability to stay calm and present with their child, which you can translate into things like:
- Taking three slow breaths before responding to holiday meltdowns.
- Doing a 5-minute mindful check-in in the car before going into a family gathering. (PMC)
3. Effectiveness of Mindfulness-Based Interventions for Caregivers in ASD Families (Peng et al., 2025, Frontiers in Psychology)
What it is: A 2025 paper reviewing mindfulness-based interventions for caregivers of children with autism. It concludes MBIs can reduce caregiver burden and stress and may improve overall family functioning. (Frontiers)
Holiday takeaways for parents:
- Mindfulness can help you respond instead of react when holiday plans fall apart or sensory overload hits.
- Lower caregiver burden → more emotional bandwidth to attune to your child’s needs (e.g., noticing when they’re done with a gathering and supporting them to exit without guilt). (Frontiers)
4. Mindfulness-Based Interventions During Play for Parents of Children with Down Syndrome: Two Case Studies (Nichols, 2023/2024)
What it is: An occupational therapy master’s thesis describing 2 case studies where parents used brief mindfulness practices during play with their children with Down syndrome. It discusses how parent anxiety and stress interfere with quality interactions, and how mindfulness can improve parent-child play and “being present in the moment.” (uindy.edu)
Holiday takeaways for parents:
- Mindful play (really noticing your child’s cues, slowing down, and staying with one simple shared activity) can improve connection even when life is chaotic.
- You can turn small holiday activities into mindful play moments—like quietly decorating one cookie together, or building part of a gingerbread house side by side, focusing on your child’s enjoyment rather than the finished product. (uindy.edu)
5. Mindfulness for Parents of Children with Autism and Developmental Disabilities – Loma Linda University Behavioral Health
What it is: A research-informed article summarizing evidence that Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction lowers stress and improves wellbeing in parents of children with developmental disabilities, and discussing links between parent stress and child behavior. (Loma Linda University Behavioral Health)
Holiday takeaways for parents:
- Reinforces that reducing your stress through mindfulness is not selfish; it actually supports your child’s mental health and behavior.
- Suggests that consistent mindfulness practice builds emotional regulation and patience, which are key for being present during overstimulating holiday activities (travel, large family gatherings, schedule changes). (Loma Linda University Behavioral Health)
Practical Themes Across These Studies
1. Mindfulness reduces stress & emotional distress in caregivers.
Multiple high-quality studies and meta-analyses show that parents who practice structured mindfulness or MBSR report significantly less stress, anxiety, and depression tied to caregiving demands. PubMed+1
2. Being present (mindful awareness) improves relationships.
Lower stress and increased present-moment awareness helps parents respond — rather than react — to holiday unpredictability or sensory challenges. PubMed+1
3. Self-compassion enhances resilience.
Adding self-compassion training to mindfulness (rather than mindfulness alone) strengthens emotional regulation and wellbeing, which supports being present with children even when routines change. PMC
Holiday Stress-Support Strategies
1️⃣ 10-Breath Reset
Pause. Take 10 slow breaths. Notice your feet on the floor, your shoulders, your jaw.
→ Helps settle stress and resets emotional energy before responding.
2️⃣ Expect Less, Connect More
Shift attention from outcomes (perfect meals, perfect behavior, perfect plans) to shared moments.
→ Research shows presence matters more than performance.
3️⃣ Name the Need
Instead of “What’s wrong?” try:
- “What do you need right now?”
- “Do you need quiet or company?”
→ Encourages co-regulation and reduces stress for both of you.
4️⃣ Create Micro-Moments
Connection doesn’t require whole events:
- 5 minutes decorating a cookie
- 10 minutes watching part of a movie
- A quick hug or text
→ Small moments are powerful and count.
5️⃣ Protect Energy, Not Traditions
It’s okay to leave early, change plans, or skip activities.
→ Research shows reducing stress improves family engagement.
Self-Compassion Matters
Parents who practice self-kindness show lower stress and better coping.
Try quietly saying to yourself:
“I am doing my best in this moment.”
“It makes sense that this is hard.”
“I deserve care, too.”
Have resources that benefit parents and families seeking ABA services? Connect with us and share! Want to chat with Night Shift Autism on resources or a current field topic? Contact us and check out our blog and professional and family POV articles!